In the words of one of the nominators for our Woman of the Week, "as if a career shaping child education wasn't enough, she then reinvented herself and took up an entirely new vocation in and for the church and other people. As a single parent, she also adopted and raised a daughter from Russia." Full disclosure: she is also the sister-in-law of our president, though we hope you'll see that she has earned this honor in her own right!
"I’m 69 years old, and I’m a hospital chaplain. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed I would be saying these words. And yet now, having completed my Clinical Pastoral Education, having been commissioned for this work by the Orthodox Church, and having worked as a hospital chaplain for the last 5-6 years, chaplaincy is a profound and integral part of who I am, as a person and as an Orthodox Christian.
"To back up, I am a ‘cradle’ Orthodox Christian. The faith and the church were particularly important to our mom. With minimal overt teaching about the faith, she instilled in us her children the beliefs and the values of Orthodox Christianity. It was a part of the air we breathed. Through high school, college, and in my 20s, my faith was vacillating between being on the back burner, non-existent, and extremely tentative. But the values I was raised with prevailed; also always somewhere in my consciousness, no matter how well hidden, how much in the background, was God. Beyond my 20s I made a conscious return to faith – a kind of conversion back to Orthodoxy, reentering the church as a catechumen. My faith journey has never been a clear and confident path: in my heart I always know where the Truth lies, but I’ve been through periods when the Truth has felt inaccessible to me. But now, my work as a chaplain brings me face to face with that Truth daily. Again and again one finds Christ in the person being visited.
"Before I got into chaplaincy, I spent the first 40 years of my adult life in the field of elementary education, in a variety of settings. I taught intellectually challenged children, then gifted children, and then what might be called 'normal' children. I loved connecting with the children, and the work gave me great satisfaction. I spent the next 18 years of my career as Head of Grades 1-5 in an independent school in Connecticut – stimulating and gratifying work. When the new head of school asked me, after those 18 years, to step down from that role and offered a part time clerical job in the admission office instead, I was shattered. I felt that the ground had fallen away from under me, and that I had lost not just my pride, but my self-definition and my sense of purpose.
"As I began the part-time work I was desperate to find something that would make my life feel meaningful again. And lo and behold, as I was searching on the Internet, I came across information about hospital chaplaincy, and read that I could apply to participate in a unit of study, Clinical Pastoral Education ('CPE'), at a nearby hospital. Having heard some years earlier that the OCA does commission and/or endorse women to be chaplains, I thought I’d sign up for the program, which at 20 hours a week could mesh well with my half-time work. If I was accepted, I thought that at least the semester would provide something nourishing and enriching to my very empty heart.
"As it turned out, clearly the Holy Spirit had been guiding me. The journey of self-discovery and exploration of one’s ‘issues’ that the CPE program requires, was not for the faint of heart. In addition, there was the intense process of both the understanding and articulation of one’s personal spirituality and beliefs, together with fully embracing being an interfaith chaplain. But within the first week, I knew that I had found my home. " Axia!
Tania's parish is All Saints Orthodox Church. Learn more here: allsaintshartford.org.
Our Woman of the Week is Tania Bouteneff, whose ministry as a hospital chaplain has gone through a number of changes since the pandemic has grown and spread. Even in the short time since she wrote this piece, she has returned to the hospital to begin working with patients again, while maintaining strict adherence to social distancing guidelines.
"Visiting patients in the hospital is a blessed experience for me, often a sacred one. A suffering person usually has no room for pretenses – so his/her inner being is unhidden. How can one not love a person whose inner being is revealed? This is what I treasure about chaplaincy.
"My role is to be a listening, non-judgmental, caring, presence, to provide the opportunity, the emotional and spiritual space, for the patient to open his/her heart - to me, to themselves, to their God if they believe in one. I try to be an instrument, a conduit for God’s guiding and loving presence - to get out of God’s way. In that process, the patient may feel relieved by having expressed feelings and having them heard and validated, may feel strengthened at recognizing their own inner strengths or having recalled something positive, and may feel spiritually nourished by having processed with the chaplain their spiritual understanding of what is happening to them, and/or from having the chaplain pray for them, if requested.
"I should note that in addition to working with patients, I also provide support to family members, and also to hospital staff, as needed. On any one day I may see some 10-15 patients or family members, with time to first check their medical records for previous notes from chaplains and/or medical staff, and time to chart each visit after completion (a requirement of the hospital). A visit might last for just 5 minutes, or occasionally for as long as 45 minutes, though 20 minutes seems to be a ballpark average. Staff support is provided informally, in between.
"That is what my chaplaincy work has entailed over these last years. But by the middle of this March, the hospital was getting COVID patients in, more every day. It was struggling to provide the necessary medical support to patients and the protective equipment needed by medical staff. An unprecedented intensity was palpable in the Intensive Care Unit that had just been set aside for COVID patients. Everyone was giving their all, unflinchingly, courageously, stubbornly, caringly. New policies were being established from day to day. Shortly, in order to contain the virus, no visitors whatsoever were permitted in the hospital, so patients and family members were isolated from each other. Doctors and nurses were making and fielding more calls than ever to try to keep families informed.
"Chaplains were not permitted in COVID rooms, but we were visiting other patients and providing staff support as possible. We were calling family members – sometimes to provide Facetime contact with their patient, sometimes to listen and talk about their unresponsive patient, sometimes to talk after they’d heard bad news from the medical personnel.
"But by the Sunday of the Cross, being in one of those 'at-risk' groups for infection, I made the very painful decision to request a leave of absence. This added a significant layer to the rest of Lent for me.
"Just before Pascha, the hospital established a call-in support center for staff, offering phone support from chaplains, as well as psychologists and social workers. I have been invited to be in the group of on-call chaplains. During my 6-hour shifts, I am at home, ready to receive calls. I try to maintain an inner readiness during that time, spiritually and emotionally ready for whatever may come. I would like to say that I spend the silent waiting time praying for the staff, as well as for patients and families. But I don’t. I seem unable to. I’ll keep trying, though."
We asked our Woman of the Week, Tania Bouteneff, about her morning routine:
"Some people get up very early to go to the gym to work out, or to go for a run, or perhaps for a long walk. Some people get up very early to pray, to meditate, to read scripture. I don’t do any of the above.
"My favorite way to start the day is to wake up not too early, stretch a bit, let my mind wander, and then doze off for a bit longer. A cup of black coffee is the first order of business when I get up, with toast and peanut butter (the breakfast I have eaten daily for years and years). In case of emergency, a small piece of dark chocolate can help jumpstart me.
"I wish I could say that I start the day with prayer, but most often I do not. I find it so very hard to make myself pray at home, on my own. I love going to church and participating in the prayer of the services, and I love praying with/for patients in the hospital. Those are the times I feel closest to God, to God’s presence and love; this is what nourishes me spiritually.
"My absolute favorite prayer is the prayer for the beginning of the day by St. Philaret of Moscow:
Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that your will governs all. In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, and Lord, pray within me. Amen."
Thank you, Tania!