Our Woman of the Week is Robin Hetko, who provides information technology (IT) support for the Monasteries of New Skete, and was nominated for her work in spiritual direction. We asked her to tell you about her path to becoming a spiritual director:
“I have spent the past 20 years working for New Skete and I've been their neighbor for 30 years. A huge part of my life has been here at the monastery, because I work and worship here.
“I converted to Orthodoxy after I moved to Cambridge, New York, and started attending services at New Skete. Before that, I was married in the Orthodox church - my husband was Orthodox, but I did not convert then. Growing up, my family was Baptist, Lutheran, and then Presbyterian. My parents were searching, and I was baptized as a Presbyterian. I was used to minimalist churches, and so walking into an Orthodox church and experiencing the iconography, the incense - everything was overwhelming. When we moved to Cambridge, we began attending services at New Skete. Probably because it is a monastery and an intentional community, I felt like it was authentic Orthodoxy, happening before my eyes. I was asked if I wanted to convert, and I said yes. Br. Stavros was my teacher for almost two years. We would meet after liturgy every other Sunday, and I would hear a wealth of church history and theology. The day I was received into the Orthodox Church was one of the happiest days of my life.
“A few years later, I started working for New Skete. One of the brothers mentioned to me that there was a spiritual director coming to New Skete to work with some of the monastics. He asked if I would be interested in meeting with this person as well. Maybe he could sense that I needed to talk with someone. I said, sure, I’ll give it a try. And that was my first experience of spiritual direction. During the first several sessions that I had with her, I was mostly crying. But she recommended a lot of good books and suggested I start with something as basic as the Psalms. It was amazingly helpful, but unfortunately, after two years, she passed away, succumbing to cancer.
“My next spiritual director was Br.Christopher, who was really helpful, in particular by suggesting I work with dreams and journaling. The third director that I had was a Catholic monk who was the partner of my first director, who had passed away. He would come to the monastery and work with some of the brothers. And so I also met with him, and he was super helpful. He was the one who said to me, ‘You really need to speak with a therapist. I'm a spiritual director, I can work with you here on different things. But what I'm hearing from you is that you would also really benefit from a therapist.’ And so I did, taking a break from spiritual direction for about three years. Eventually I came through that dark tunnel into a much better place.
“Around that time I began to get to know Sr. Rebecca. I was very drawn to her wisdom and guidance. I felt I had made sort of a ‘dark night of the soul’ journey. In 2014, Sr. Rebecca attended a conference and spoke on the topic of spiritual direction. I went with her, and the experience sparked my interest in spiritual direction from the point of view of being the director vs. the directee. There were some other women at the conference–Dr. Ioana Popa, for one–who felt the same way. As an offshoot of that meeting, we formed a group, our initiative being to create a spiritual direction training program for Orthodox women. It was an ambitious goal because, as you know, in the Orthodox church, spiritual direction is generally left to the priest, and there are only occasionally female directors like Sr. Rebecca. We did not realize our goal, but it did inspire us to take different directions with that similar theme.
“At that point, I also started seeing Sr. Rebecca for spiritual direction. My former spiritual direction with three other directors was, as I mentioned, when I was in a sort of crisis mode and needed help. And it was really terrific. But when I started working with Sr. Rebecca, it was a very different experience. It was much more about freedom, and I could feel it was coming from a different place; it was a lot deeper for me, spiritually deeper. Maybe that is why she recommended me, perhaps because we are on the same wavelength, believing that character is really important, especially for Orthodox women.
“Sr. Rebecca encouraged me to pursue spiritual direction training as she thought I would be good at it. The problem for me was finding a program that I could ‘do’, because most of them are pretty intensive, requiring a significant time and monetary commitment. We found an affordable program in Albany, NY, an hour’s drive from Cambridge, offered by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Albany. I was accepted into the program. We met in the evenings over a period of two years. Due to COVID, we did our second year online via Zoom, but it was still very good training. After I ‘graduated,’ I started to find people who were interested in working with me. So far I have worked with six people total in the past four years. That has been just the right amount for a new spiritual director. I find that spiritual direction is different with each individual - it is a holy time. I believe the Holy Spirit is in the room during the session. It often is a very powerful and beneficial experience for both directee and director.
“I have been a director for four years now, and I also meet with a group of women for peer supervision. There are ten spiritual directors in the group from different faiths; Sr. Rebecca and I are the only Orthodox directors. We meet every other month, with one person sharing a session while the others listen and weigh in on what might have been happening in the session. The whole point is to help the director who is sharing - making observations about things that she may not have been aware of, or where things might have gone awry, or where they could have been improved, or where things were really good.”
Axia!
Robin Hetko is our Woman of the Week, nominated for her work as a spiritual director. You see her here with Sister Rebecca of New Skete. She is also sharing her icon corner with you. We asked her to tell you what she wishes people knew about spiritual direction:
“First, I want people to know that spiritual direction is available and accessible to anyone, and I encourage people to seek it out. For many, attending liturgical services can become dry or routine - something we do Sunday morning and then don't think about again until the following Sunday. If you feel that something is missing in your spiritual life, if you are feeling lost or you feel nothing during prayer time, or wondering where God is showing up in your life – if you have doubts and questions, there are people available who are prepared to sit down with you, listen to you, and offer some suggestions for how to find answers to the questions that you may have.
“Second, I would want people to know that there are women directors. Some people may feel uncomfortable speaking with a certain priest or any priest about some issues. People should know that there are trained female spiritual directors out there. I am not putting priests down in any way, but they do have a lot going on. Some priests are very skilled spiritual directors, while for others, it may not be their main focus. If you are struggling and you haven’t found a director, I want you to know that there are people available to listen and to journey with you.
“If you need help finding a director, there is a website, Spiritual Directors International (SDI). You can search for a spiritual director by your geographic location, your beliefs, and your religious affiliations. If you are in the Cambridge, NY, area, Sr Rebecca has been offering direction for 40 years, and Br. Christopher is also available for spiritual direction. I am available too. I’m officially a New Skete spiritual director, but I do have a strong connection with the monastery.
“Generally, I would say if you are looking for direction, you should go to your priest first (if you feel comfortable), and he may offer to do it himself, or he may refer you to someone. Traditionally, it is recommended to seek out spiritual direction first from a priest or an elder in the church. If that is not satisfactory, then something like SDI or other avenues would be next to try. To be clear, I am not recommending that anyone leaves Church tradition behind, but I have had Catholic spiritual directors who truly were wonderful as well.”
As always, we asked our Woman of the Week, Robin Hetko, to tell you about her morning routine. You see here two views from her walks, including her horse Shelby and miniature donkey Scarlett, and her German shepherd Milo:
“When I wake up, the first thing that I do is try to remember my dreams. I keep a pen and paper by my bed to jot them down, even if it is just keywords, capturing some of the images or anything that really stood out. I try to do that right away before the dream begins to fade, so that I can look at it later in the day or even the next day. Keywords and images can help me to remember more aspects of the dream, allowing me to work with the dream.
“Next, as I am lying there in bed, I do a body scan. I basically check in with how my body is feeling. How does my head feel? How is my heart? How is my gut? Is anything hurting? Am I sad? Am I happy? Am I joyful? Am I perplexed? Once I have a sense of how I am doing, I get out of bed, feed the cat, start the coffee pot, and head out to the barn to check on my horse and a miniature donkey. I let them out, give them hay and grain, and while they are eating, my dog and I take a long walk on our property. We have a great place to walk, which is basically a perimeter. It is more of a meditative walk than a fitness walk. We walk out to a bluff that has a beautiful view of the mountains across the way. I pause here and start out with a prayer, ‘Glory to God in the heights, on earth peace and to all people, love and understanding. Lord, open my lips that my mouth shall proclaim your praise,’ taken from the opening of the Divine Liturgy. And then, ‘Oh heavenly king, consoler, spirit of truth, everywhere present and filling all things: treasury of blessings and giver of life, come dwell within us, and cleanse us of every stain, and save our souls, O good one.’ Then I launch into ‘Hail Mary full of grace,’ ‘My soul tells out the greatness of the Lord,’ and ‘How manifold are your works oh Lord, in wisdom you wrought them all,’ all from the Psalms. I am always inspired to say these prayers and express my gratitude for the morning. And then we continue our walk. I focus on looking up as much as possible, listening, and noticing what I smell, or stopping and gazing at a particular tree or something that has caught my eye, focusing my attention on the natural world around me.
“Then I come in and have some coffee and open my laptop. I check my email to see if anything is urgent, as I support the monastics and staff with their IT needs. Once I have figured out what I need to do, then I read a few emailed meditations from New Skete, Center for Action and Contemplation, Blue Mountain Center of Meditation, and some others. Then I read the local news and the New York Times daily briefings. I do the NY Times’ Connections game - a brain puzzle to try to keep those synapses firing. Two mornings a week, I do yoga and Pilates. Then I get in the shower and get ready to go to work. It can be a lot to pack into a morning, but when I do these rituals, it helps to balance my energy for the rest of the day.”
Thank you, Robin!